Every year, during Lent, I think about what I can do to better myself in 40 days. There are so many options. Traditionally, my thinking is, “what should I give up?”
Here were few things that came to mind.
1. I’d like to give up cleaning toilets. If those little scrubbing bubble guys on TV were real, I’d have a dozen of them living in the linen closet. Once a week, I’d snap, “hop to, boys,” and that would be it.
2. I’d like to give up my saddle bags. I’d love to just slice them off and fling them into the recycle bin. Fresh lard ought be to good for something.
3. I’d love to give up going to the grocery store. It seems so futile. We eat up everything, and I just have to go back. Sometimes twice a day. We should get points for this somewhere.
4. I’d like to give up the stairs in my house. I want a one-level. I’m so tired of the ups and downs. Although, without them, I suppose my saddle bags would be baggier.
5. I’d love to give up chasing the occasional lizard around my house. I live in Florida, where lizards think they own the place, so I don’t imagine I’ll ever be free of them. If they just knew I was trying to get them outside into the sunshine and grass, I’m sure they’d cooperate. But, they scurry under the sofas and beds until, a month later, I find lizard remains. They’re fast, but they’re not very smart.
6. I’d love to give up joint pain. It’s so annoying. It slows me down and makes me groan like I’m 90. I’ve got over three decades before I’m 90. What in the world am I going to feel like then?
7. I’d like to give up mammograms. I get so cold in that paper dress, and the tech never gets a good first picture, so we have to repeat the squashing. It’s an odd little X-ray that men will never understand. We should get roses after every test. Or a new, warm sweater. I know mammos save lives, so even though I’d like to give them up, I won’t.
8. I’d love to give up partially hydrogenated oils. They’re the worst thing we can eat, but they’re in everything. I read labels, and I try, but it’s exhausting. And, I’m sorry, but a carrot is not a satisfying substitute for a doughnut (which eventually turns into a saddlebag.)
9. I’d like to give up balancing the checkbook every month. It’s all math, which is like a foreign language to me, and I never know where to begin to find any discrepancies. It gives me a headache.
10. I’d like to give up thinking I’m ever going to lose fifteen pounds. I’ve been trying to do it since 2004. I need to move on.
Instead, I’m going to work on some other things. Attitudes and perspectives, things I don’t want to share here, because if I fail to improve, you might say, “hey, I thought you were going to stop doing such and such, and you’re still doing it.” I want to avoid that.
So, here’s to 40 days of trying to work out some bugs in my character. Hopefully, by Easter, I’ll be a new man. Er, woman.
Do you observe Lent? If so, what are you doing?