Everybody messes up now and then. We are human, after all. Homemakers have their own particular brand of “things-gone-sideways,” particularly in the kitchen. Some are hilarious. Here are a few of my squirrelier moments.
We mailed some cookies to an airman in Afghanistan recently. The next day, I opened the over door and found these…
…twenty-four hours after I’d “finished” the cookies and turned the oven off.
I’m blank on what I did, or how this happened. They’re not burned, so I must have put the last balls of dough on the sheet, slid them in the oven, and then turned the oven off. Why I would do this is beyond me. If fact, when I first found them, I thought, “who’s baking cookies?” Because, it was a day later.
I pulled out some cookies from the batch I baked the day before and laid them next to this unbaked – just dried out – batch.
The normal ones look too dark in comparison.
The oven-dried ones were very crispy, and we ate them anyway, because no cookie goes to waste in this household. We decided we prefer baked cookies over oven-dried, in case you were considering this method in your own oven.
I can’t figure out why I did this. I must have been distracted by the other goofy thing I did recently.
I save beef / chicken broth after I’ve roasted an animal, or part of an animal, for my carnivore husband. Then I freeze the juice in a zippered bag for future use. Recently, I made the mistake of tossing a broth bag in the freezer before it was cool. It wrapped itself around the grid shelf and froze in place.
You don’t see the problem here…
All I could think was – a broth bag wearing a thong. HA! I had to practically disassemble the freezer to get the shelf out. And I couldn’t get the bag off the wire. It was frozen solid to the grid and to itself. So I laughed hysterically and took a picture. It seemed like the thing to do.
My husband suggested I run hot water over it to free it from its misery. I did, and then moved forward with dinner. Which happened to be…
Meatloaf in the Dishwater
I have a great meatloaf recipe that is full of pork fat, cow fat, cheese fat, and mayo fat. It’s delicious, thank you very much, Paula Deen. I normally bake this 2-pound fat concoction in one loaf pan. But I always wonder if it’s done in the middle, because it’s one hunk of meat.
Last week, I decided to split the fat between two loaf pans, ensuring thorough cooking and minimizing cook time. So we could ingest the cholesterol sooner.
It worked beautifully.
I pulled out the first loaf pan and transferred it to the cooling board with my silicone potholder, which my husband calls the Gator Grip…
…and promptly dropped the pan into the dish water.
The pan sizzled, and the suds gushed in as the pan sank in a cock-eyed fashion. I swooped it out, but it was too late. All that yummy fat…ruined.
In a wild and harebrained moment, I wondered if I could squeeze dish soap out of ground meat.
My husband entered the kitchen at the moment and paused. “What is that?”
“Meatloaf with dish water,” I replied.
He thought about this. “Is that what we’re having for dinner?”
He didn’t even look fazed. “Hhmm. Can you just rinse it off?”
We hate to waste good fat.
I pressed my hand against the meat and turned it upside down over the sink to let the dish water spill out. The loaf broke apart and plopped in the sink like canned dog food. It was disgusting. I won’t even post a picture of it. “Apparently not,” I replied.
I’ve never dropped meatloaf in the dish water before. I blame it on the Gator Grip. Which, apparently, isn’t that gripping. Just so you know.
Don’t let your fat go down the drain.
This little guy is a double baby carrot. He looks like a jester cap.
This is the rest of his family.
The two in the middle look like they’re pulling their knees up to stretch out their backs. If they weren’t so top-heavy, I think they’d sit up on the counter ledge.
Clearly, I don’t have a green thumb. And apparently, I don’t have sense about when I’m baking and when I’m not. I do now know that warm fluids can’t be tossed in the freezer willy-nilly, and I’m going to stop buying the latest kitchen gadgets.
God bless homemakers. We handle of lot of things with not enough sleep.